#SaveMirabel and the necessary war against Nigeria’s rape culture

In his daily paper review, which has been running for the best part of four years, on most days of the week, Feyi Fawehinmi, comes across news stories he tags “News From Depravity Central”. Those stories dwell mostly on issues of rape, with minors as the victims. He comes across such stories at least twice a day, by my count, and any perusal through the average Nigerian newspaper reveals several more.

Such stories are but the tip of the iceberg for a number of reasons. One of the main ones being that the majority of rape victims never come forward, this is because they are not believed by those they tell of their trauma. Rape is an expression of power. Power of an aggressor over a weaker person, who is often female. These victims more often than not do not have a voice.

On September 6^th, Wana Udobang, using the Al-Jazeera’s ‘My Nigeria’ platform, gave five of those victims a voice. She told their stories, and those stories have now inspired action among those who read it. It has inspired over 100 people to donate over $5,000 in under 24 hours to ensure that the Mirabel Center continues its work of helping victims of rape. The project started 2 years ago, funded by the UK’s Department For International Development (DFID). This funding comes to an end, however, at the end of this year, but thanks to generous donations, they can continue adding to the nearly 900 people they have helped so far.

The last 24 hours are the type that can rekindle belief in the human spirit, and what people are capable of if they unite for a worthy cause. But there is much more that can and must be done, which is harder than merely donating money.

1. The cradle: A lot more effort must be put in by parents to train male children to respect their sisters, neighbours, classmates, and others who are female. Many of the attitudes which put women in such physical and psychological peril, begin from there. Violence should be stamped out early. Boys and young men should understand that is not okay to tap, grope, whistle, and do other impolite things to their peers of the opposite sex.
2. Aiding and abetting: This happens on many levels: Boys and young men frequently help their mates to rape defenceless young women, by standing guard while the act is ongoing, for instance. Others help to suppress stories and cast aspersions on victims, out of some misguided ‘loyalty’ to their mates. For some others, they simply cannot believe that their friend could such a thing. In yet other cases, because of their power or status, these perpetrators are protected. These multiple levels ensure that many victims do not come forward and continue to suffer.
3. The Law: Our policing system needs to understand the magnitude of rape, and be properly equipped to handle such cases, how to treat victims and so on. Also, the legal system can do a lot better with the speed of determining cases, so that victims and their families can get some justice, and dangerous rapists are put away.
4. Peer Pressure: Adult men have a long way to go in holding each other accountable. For example, attitudes like ‘I spent money (on her), I must recoup my investment’ should not go unchallenged or uncorrected. Those who have proof that their friends have committed rape, should not cover them. Make no mistake, it is tough to look a friend in the eye and say certain things, but it must happen if we really want things to change.

The Mirabel Center is only necessary at all because of a culture that says men are entitled to the bodies of women, whether they consent or not. Addressing this fundamental problem, in all the ways it manifests itself, involves a hard look in the mirror and a desire to do better. Violence against women, sexual violence in this case, cannot be a ‘family matter’. It must not be negotiated away and swept under the carpet. We must not continue to allow men in authority: fathers, lecturers, pastors, our friends and relatives, abuse their power and positions of trust without any consequences. We must not aid and abet them. We cannot continue to look the other way and ignore the silent cries of the women (and yes, some men) around us, who carry scars they should never carry, who are taken advantage of by predators.

We cannot go back in time to erase their pain, but maybe we can assist to give them some small comfort, by opening up a space for them to speak up, while we listen, with compassion, without judgement.

The other thing we can do is to start now to ensure that others are saved the same trauma. Again, it is not easy, but it is well worth it.

P.S.: Please read Wana’s article here, and if you are moved to support the work of the Mirabel Center, donate them here if you are in Nigeria